Holy shit, I have a new studio and I am freaking the fuck out! Mostly in good ways but still, worrying anxious me is like what the fuck are you doing? We’re ignoring WAM for now and plowing ahead anyway. This has been on the table for almost 2 weeks and I can tell you every act of resistance presented itself to me with reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this, even after I said yes. Here are the top 3 highlights from the list of arguments I’ve had with myself.
WAM vs. SAM (Sensible Awesome Me? – I couldn’t think of what to call regular me :) )
(WAM) You can’t afford it.
(SAM) Pfft. Well, I can’t really afford anything so what’s another thing on the list? More importantly, I can’t afford NOT to take it. I need a place to work in order to step-up. I can’t do that in my little basement studio dungeon and I am a serious fucking artist so shut up already and sign the goddamned lease.
(WAM) It’s not even exactly what you want.
(SAM) It isn’t and it’s ugly too. It’s no instagram-able studio of envy that’s for sure. It’s in the basement of an office building and it’s the perfect set up for a horror movie (bars on the window too) but when I come out for fresh air after shrieking from the daylight I can instantly be plugged into community, coffee shops, and a pretty brick courtyard. I can be left alone to work in peace and make a mess without having to worry about wrecking anything because nobody cares. There is immense freedom in being able to do whatever you want. Also, no wifi which also adds to the horror movie set up, but also FOCUS (note to self: must remember to download music and podcasts)
(WAM) You sign and then the most perfect studio is suddenly available.
(SAM) I’ve been looking for ages so that’s not a realistic scenario but if it’s that perfect, I guess I would break my lease or turn it into an Air BnB or something. In other words, this is a dumb thing to worry about and a year is not that long. SIGN. THE. LEASE. Do the work.
I’ve been such a chicken shit and even after pushing the signing date to late afternoon Friday, I was still negotiating a way out until I signed my name. I don’t know how this is all going to work out, but I know I can’t keep making excuses or waiting for the perfect conditions to be in place in order to move forward. I drew tarot cards (yeah it’s a thing) and everything was pointing quite hilariously and obviously to just taking the space and that the conditions as they are, are actually perfect for me.
So there it is. I have keys. I have a studio. I still can’t quite believe it. I’m scared. I’m grateful. I’m sure more adventures will unfold as I move in this week. I have a show to build. Here we go!
Art Dungeon Open Studio Party plan in the works…
If you’d like to support me please consider BUYING ME A COFFEE. Part of the proceeds will go directly to helping me pay for my studio. Thank You! <3